I have the privilege of working with some great colleagues. They make me smile, laugh and think and I love the conversations that I am able to have with them. These conversations present me a unique opportunity to get to know them, but also to dig deeper and talk about more meaningful things. And sometimes that’s the direction that the conversation goes. Not that long ago, in the context of talking about insurance, one colleague, asked: “So how do you feel about death?” Let’s just say I wasn’t expecting that question.
On other occasions, however, the conversation is more mundane, a little bit pointless, like when everyone starts retelling their drunken stories. In these kinds of conversations I am often stuck, should I say something? Smile and nod or just sit there like an awkward pumpkin?
Other times, it’s just crude – sexual innuendos and banter that I just wish I could block out entirely. Welcome to Scotland! So how do you navigate these different kinds of conversations? Is it possible to do it in a manner that isn’t self righteous and condescending? Well, the bible has a lot to say about words and speech, and the new testament has some wisdom about navigating conversations.
- But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving… Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. Ephesians 5:3-4, 11
- Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29
- Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. Colossians 4:5-6
I want to use these verses and suggest three ways of navigating workplace conversations depending on the context and what kind of conversation is taking place.
Avoid and expose
The first one is to avoid certain conversations, have no part in them whatsoever. These are the conversations that Ephesians 5 talks about – sexual conversations, dirty jokes, the kind of conversations that might just make you feel very uncomfortable, the kind that are irredeemable.
In practice, avoiding these conversations may look like removing yourself from the conversation entirely: getting up to make yourself a cup of coffee or reply to an email or a text if it is break or lunchtime. If I am at my desk, I will often just zone out entirely. Find other ways and be as creative and realistic as you can with them, but just do not join in with these conversations.
But more than just avoiding, there is also the exhortation to expose this. Does this mean we constantly voice our disapproval? I don’t think the context here calls for that. The exposing here is done by the very fact of bearing the fruit of light through righteous living, you may not see it but it is happening.
Of course, there may be times where I will say to my colleagues “Guys, this chat is too much, I’m out!” with the appropriate tone. But that is done sparingly and within a context of ongoing relationship and a genuine friendship that I have with them so that no one at that moment thinks that I am putting them down.
The avoiding is what can often be the hardest, because to be honest it just feels awkward. It makes us stand out and the desire to fit in might tempt us to just laugh a little, not appear too “out there”. But as Christians we are called to be distinct, the context here in Ephesians is in ‘putting on’ the new self – be who God has redeemed you to be. Righteousness is strange to the world, it will be uncomfortable, but it will glorify Chrst.
Divert
This is where you’ve got the opportunity to move the conversation on to something else. You are called to flee from some conversations, but proactively you are also encouraged to use your words in a way that is helpful and wholesome and in a way that builds up.
This means you may have to endure some conversations and wait for the opportunity to divert it to something more beneficial and helpful for all present. For example if there is a big enough group talking about something, there may be an opportunity to like start a mini conversation somewhere else.
Ask about how the gig they said they were going to was; ask about their life, their interests; follow up on previous things they had shared or said. This will come from genuine care for them and listening to them. Another option is just introducing a new subject topic entirely – it can be about a movie, TV programme or news story. You have the opportunity to direct that conversation, stimulate good conversation and the conversation on this will likely be a lot more wholesome than another ‘here’s how much I got drunk’ story.
Redeem
Lastly, you can try and redeem the conversation and create an opportunity in which you might be able to bring the gospel into the chat. Colossians highlights that you should act wisely amongst unbelievers and also maximise your time, that is, make the most of every opportunity. One obvious way of doing that, highlighted in the verse, is through your speech, your conversation, which ought to be gracious and seasoned with salt.
It’s an interesting metaphor echoing the words of Jesus in the sermon on the mount when he calls believers to be ‘the salt of the earth’. In the functionality of salt in those days which both preserved food and added flavour, so too our speech should make conversations better but also be interesting and stimulating. What might this look like practically?
When your colleagues are discussing a TV show which you have no interest in, you can ask them why they watch it, what they enjoy about it and even what they don’t enjoy about it. I remember having a conversation about body image off the back of people talking about love Island, which I have no desire to watch and don’t think is particularly helpful or edifying.
Turns out they didn’t either. But had I just dismissed that conversation entirely, I would have missed a great opportunity to connect to a great conversation which the gospel speaks so powerfully into. So be interested in people, be interested in why they do what they do, why they love what they love and it will be a great opportunity for some salt-seasoned conversation.
A need for daily wisdom
If you’re feeling inadequate and overwhelmed at this point, please don’t be. You will get it wrong. I have laughed at conversations I shouldn’t have, I have sat in silence when I really should have walked away and I have sensed an opportunity for more meaningful conversation and absolutely bottled it so that I could enjoy my pasta in peace. It is by the grace of God and through his help that we will navigate these conversations wisely.
So while I share these practical tips, I do so in full recognition that you need God’s wisdom, we all need wisdom. So pray, pray as you go to work for wisdom – wisdom to know what to say, when to say it and how to say it. Pray for boldness and courage and pray that ultimately you will be more concerned for God’s glory than for self preservation driven by the fear of man rather than the fear of God.
